Stephanie Ford • 11 min read • 12
Today’s post is through Stephanie, another Australian who’s got started learning Russian while teaching in Russia.
In this post she stocks about her experience as a lady dating in Russia while learning the language. This will be a subject We have a great deal to state about actually as I experienced a Russian girlfriend inside my time in Kazan that I partly credit with assisting me discover the language therefore quickly (links to my tale below).
Therefore it’s interesting to listen to another perspective – especially one which respects the original values of Russian culture. ??
Russia is portrayed to your western as a cool, difficult spot with a few magical architecture, variety vodka shots, and a frontrunner whom dances with bears and whom, for a few unfathomable explanation, never ever wears a top.
The individuals are portrayed within the countless US movies featuring Russians as spies or users of gangs whom continue steadily to make reference to one another solely as comrade (which, incidentally, is just a term that came into English through the Romance languages and it is never a word that is russian! Whom knew?! ).
Whilst it’s cool, vodka undoubtedly exists, and calendars featuring a shirtless putin and puppies aren’t an issue, you will find one thousand misconceptions about Russian tradition and individuals.
After residing right right here for very long sufficient to get a great glimpse into Russian tradition, here you will find the things you to know about Russia and Russians that I want:
1. The greater old-fashioned view of females that persists in Russia comes with its perks in dating (and day-to-day life)
That I do not condone any “traditional” view of women that involves domestic violence or any kind of behaviour that devalues, disrespects or degrades the importance of the woman’s free will before I get stuck into this point, I want to make it clear.
The things I do wish to state is the fact that, as being a financially-independent Western girl, I ADORE that Russian males hold doorways available me off buses for me and help.
Do it is expected by me? No.
Does it enrage me personally whenever it can or does not happen? Not really.
Do i’m a flutter that is small of in my own belly whenever my date does it? Without a doubt I Actually Do!
It’s a gesture that is respectful it reveals that they’re capable of thinking about other people. If nothing else, that is definitely a lot better than having a guy yell “nice arse” at me personally from a car or truck…
It’s a tad bit more complicated away from the dating scene.
I’m grateful when a guy helps me straight down through the coach or train. I’m Australian and I also have always been perhaps maybe not yet comfortable jumping down one thing only a little higher than I’d want it become whenever my landing room is covered in snowfall and ice, so it’s truly helpful.
It’s additionally heartwarming to see guys assisting females with prams, shopping bags/trolleys or other things within the stairs, BUT i am going to admit that I’m suspicious of just just what my male 14-year-old pupils are as much as if they require holding the class home available for me personally. ??
It is additionally just a little bewildering whenever a senior girl rejects my offer to greatly help her with her shopping, and then accept the offer associated with the next male that is passing.
Russia just isn’t an impairment place that is friendly numerous ways, therefore I do question whether these gestures that being increasingly scrutinized into the West and called away as possibly being “sexist” are borne of prerequisite and consideration, much less a results of a more “traditional” view of females.
The point is, once I remember the fights with the Russians jumping off their seats to assist anyone slightly worse off than themselves, I think the West could learn a thing or two that I had with lazy/tired Melbourne workers for a train seat when I had stitches in my foot and compare it.
2. The greater old-fashioned view of females that persists in Russia comes with its drawbacks in dating
Therefore, whilst i really like the doorways which have exposed in my situation on the dating scene since I relocated to Russia (pun meant), we haven’t exactly gamed the machine and discovered excellence here.
There are particular objectives that can come along side being a lady in Russia that we don’t fundamentally contribute to. I’m a pretty low-to-zero maintenance woman, when you look at the feeling myself and my usual hairstyle is “yes, my hair has been washed recently enough and then left to its own devices” that I don’t spend a ton of time maintaining.
We definitely don’t appearance or odor I can probably be best described as plain like I spent the last three years living with Russian bears, but, compared to the effort put in by Russian women.
A number of my friends that are male times have actually brought this through to a wide range of occasions.
A number of the feedback are innocuous:
“You don’t look or dress like a Russian”
Most are a tad bit more overt:
“Have you ever seriously considered having your teeth whitened? ”
But all of them proof that my mindset is certainly a quirk that Russian men notice.
In Australia, ladies who cannot prepare or whom don’t simply just take ownership of housekeeping duties aren’t likely to be ostracized these times. We have firsthand experience and a number of anecdotes that recommend Russian guys choose ladies who will tackle these tasks with a grin.
The guy that is russian I’ve been seeing is pleased to prepare. He really makes me elaborate breakfasts whenever we remain.
He could be additionally over happy to use the backseat on every single other dinner and makes a show of complimenting me personally whenever we prepare.
No foul it’s a little Pavlovian, but for now I find it cute so no harm.
Another difference that is cultural I’ve noticed is the fact that male-female friendships aren’t typical. Pupils in my own classes have actually raised their eyebrows over and over again whenever I’ve mentioned spending some time with a friend that is male.
Navigating friendships with Russian guys are tricky because their motives could be only a little dissimilar to your personal.
This truly exists within Western tradition, however the undertones take steroids in Russia, where wedding and kids are hot subjects among the moms and dads of solitary individuals in their twenties that are mid-to-late.